I've not been contributing to my blog very much since the start of the year. Things have got both worse and better. I have had a couple of really nice days but something today has kicked the shit out of me. One of my Friends who I have been recently started getting closer to still has me blocked on her profile. Yeah I know its a pretty small thing to get upset about. Or is it.
She has lots of Friends on the net. I have about the same amount of Friends on-line as I have in real life. IE not many. Perhaps i am abrasive, perhaps I rub people up the wrong way.
Anyway i had what could only be described as a corrosive encounter with the abyss. I could cross, i couldn't raise my guardian angel as all the bad things that i realised i had done started pulling me down and held me fast to my corporeal body. things like ' oh look at mister wizard he cant even find time to rub his girlfriends sore back, and she loved you and you through it back. all horrible and pretty scary considering it was all the things i had hated myself for. I seem to have come back a nicer person though, perhaps a little conscientious about others feeling. The only problem I'm having is i seem to expect others to have changed the same way. c'est la vie
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